These thoughts remind me of a friend's post about coincidences, but basically, I wonder about the effect of destiny on one's life. For instance, I'm a strong believer that the way a person thinks or feels about a person or situation can dictate the outcome of the relationship or situation. More specifically, if one maintains a negative attitude about something or someone, their encounters with that person or thing may always produce undesirable effects. But what if it doesn't? Say you are forced to constantly see/interact with a person you just don't like but one day, this person either offers a much-deserved apology, or says something that makes you question whether this person should be so hated. All of a sudden, you may develop a more favorable opinion of this person, right? So does that mean that you intended for this person to apologize so that you could like them better? That deep down you wanted this to take place so that you could view this person in a better light? Or was this destiny playing itself out completely separate of your desires and intentions? Or is one's destiny solely linked to their intentions, meaning that if you had been satisfied hating this person, they never would have apologized?
I think that we control our Destiny but that God ultimately controls it by giving us the desires that lead us to doing what he wants us to do.
With that said, I'm applying to some of the top 10 law schools, even though it may be a long shot. My mom's boss insinuated that he'd help me out financially if I get in, so why the heck not?
Leases have ended... I've been running into fellow alumnae left and right... I hope not to run into certain people, but then I envision the possibilities that could take place if I did. Had a great church sermon Sunday. I thank God for the lessons I've learned, and will continue to learn even if learning them hurt(s).
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Monday, August 11, 2008
Random Ouch!
What an itchy weekend! A doctor-prescribed acne antibiotic broke me out in HIVES! (A word I did not know the meaning of until I actually GOT the bastards!) Anyway, a bus ride and a short walk to a ghetto doctor provided me with something to combat the allergic reaction. Hopefully it's completely gone in a few days.
Had a very humbling experience today after work while shopping for work clothes... Got about 10 pairs of pants and a couple shirts... Realized that I'm FAT and need to invest in Hip Hop Abs right away (Or steal the Tae-Bo DVDs that are collecting dust on my mother's entertainment center.)
At the end of work, today I had a meeting with the paralegal and one of the partners. I was horrified that they were gonna like, FIRE me or something. In fact, they did just the opposite. They praised the way that I'm progressing and turning their criticims into self-improvement (Yaaaay Me!) Then discussed the increasing legal responsibilities that they're gonna be giving me because I'm catching on so quickly. God is SO amazing!
What a great turnaround from last week, in which I was insulted and berated to the point of tears for making honest mistakes that ANYONE would make in their first 2 weeks. (I ain't let them see me cry, though.) After my horrible day at work (Thursday) I went to my "friend"?'s (That word takes on so much meaning these days. I prefer to use "associate", but it's 3 whole more syllables!) house where I received a pep talk about CERTAIN people's intentions in the corporate world. He informed me that as the CEO of his company, he doesn't have time to yell at/belittle the people who work way below him, and the fact that these two attorneys treat the low man on the totem pole (myself) like crap at any given moment shows a faulty power structure within the company. This may very well be true, but the million dollar clients and the reputation of the firm aid in not discouraging me from wanting to work for them in the future! Shoot.
Plus, I'm entitled to my one moment of weakness, and if there's anything I'm learning from relationships, it's how to develop a thick skin. Everything I've been through has prepared me to humbly accept their criticsm unless it becomes mentally damaging. I don't think it can though. I've been through worse. I don't like being yelled at, but at least I know it's not just me. I was warned by the paralegal, office manager, and one of the associates that one is a "screamer" and one is a "bitch". Words from their own mouths.
It is what it is. My new philosophy. And if it doesn't benefit me to change it, it will remain what it is. I had a great time at church Sunday. Found a new favorite gospel song. "Surgery" by L. Spencer Smith. "Lord, I admit I need you to do surgery on me!"
I'm changing my relationships. Looking for friends who are into the same things as I. Intellectually stimulating activities for evenings and weekends, not just club-hopping. I've been wanting to go to a comedy show and a spoken word set. I thought I would ask the aforementioned "friend"? to take me Sunday, but I didn't hear from him in time, so oh well. Not having a car sucks, because if I did, I wouldn't have a self-imposed sunset curfew... I just can't be out here on the bus at night. Not in this neighborhood. Not alone. Not with the "abandoned" building next door, through the window of which I saw a naked man walking around and heard rumors that a lady was dragged inside and raped... NOPE... Sunset Curfew 'til I get my car... February's my goal. At least I can enjoy total freedom NEXT SUMMER...
Had a very humbling experience today after work while shopping for work clothes... Got about 10 pairs of pants and a couple shirts... Realized that I'm FAT and need to invest in Hip Hop Abs right away (Or steal the Tae-Bo DVDs that are collecting dust on my mother's entertainment center.)
At the end of work, today I had a meeting with the paralegal and one of the partners. I was horrified that they were gonna like, FIRE me or something. In fact, they did just the opposite. They praised the way that I'm progressing and turning their criticims into self-improvement (Yaaaay Me!) Then discussed the increasing legal responsibilities that they're gonna be giving me because I'm catching on so quickly. God is SO amazing!
What a great turnaround from last week, in which I was insulted and berated to the point of tears for making honest mistakes that ANYONE would make in their first 2 weeks. (I ain't let them see me cry, though.) After my horrible day at work (Thursday) I went to my "friend"?'s (That word takes on so much meaning these days. I prefer to use "associate", but it's 3 whole more syllables!) house where I received a pep talk about CERTAIN people's intentions in the corporate world. He informed me that as the CEO of his company, he doesn't have time to yell at/belittle the people who work way below him, and the fact that these two attorneys treat the low man on the totem pole (myself) like crap at any given moment shows a faulty power structure within the company. This may very well be true, but the million dollar clients and the reputation of the firm aid in not discouraging me from wanting to work for them in the future! Shoot.
Plus, I'm entitled to my one moment of weakness, and if there's anything I'm learning from relationships, it's how to develop a thick skin. Everything I've been through has prepared me to humbly accept their criticsm unless it becomes mentally damaging. I don't think it can though. I've been through worse. I don't like being yelled at, but at least I know it's not just me. I was warned by the paralegal, office manager, and one of the associates that one is a "screamer" and one is a "bitch". Words from their own mouths.
It is what it is. My new philosophy. And if it doesn't benefit me to change it, it will remain what it is. I had a great time at church Sunday. Found a new favorite gospel song. "Surgery" by L. Spencer Smith. "Lord, I admit I need you to do surgery on me!"
I'm changing my relationships. Looking for friends who are into the same things as I. Intellectually stimulating activities for evenings and weekends, not just club-hopping. I've been wanting to go to a comedy show and a spoken word set. I thought I would ask the aforementioned "friend"? to take me Sunday, but I didn't hear from him in time, so oh well. Not having a car sucks, because if I did, I wouldn't have a self-imposed sunset curfew... I just can't be out here on the bus at night. Not in this neighborhood. Not alone. Not with the "abandoned" building next door, through the window of which I saw a naked man walking around and heard rumors that a lady was dragged inside and raped... NOPE... Sunset Curfew 'til I get my car... February's my goal. At least I can enjoy total freedom NEXT SUMMER...
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Lying
So I've been bitten by the blog bug, influenced by my friend. I guess I can always print these off and put them into my actual journal. It's faster to type than write anyway, and I can always save my paper journal for my most personal thoughts.
I do NOT like liars. I try to tell the truth as often as possible. I've been called brutally honest, but after being hurt by lies, I feel that in nearly EVERY case, honesty is the best policy I think that at 22 years old, I shouldn't have to lie about anything. So, in most cases, I don't. I'd rather blatantly not answer a question to the point where the asker knows that they're being denied a response and further questioning will result in the truth, an answer they probably don't want to hear.
So, anyway, my best friend puts me in a HORRIBLE predicament a few mins ago. She calls to say "I told my mom you're watching my daughter." I said "okay" after finding out that she took the baby to her cousin's house to be watched while my friend worked. (Her mom really dislikes this cousin.) Then we ended the convo. Now I've watched my god baby before and never has her mother called me to check in. Today, though, she calls me. I felt that it could be her so I checked my cell before I answered my best friend's ringtone, and, sure enough, it was her house phone, not her cell. So I didn't answer. I called my friend's cell right back because I was under the impression that she was at work. She hands the phone to her mother while I'm in the middle of saying "I don't want to talk to her, I'm not going to lie." I HATE being put in that position. GRRRRR. She used to make me lie to her job so she could leave early, before I flat out told her to get someone else to do it because I hate lying. So her mother was quiet, listening for me to say where the baby was, and she says, "Hey, what's my grandbaby doin?" I contemplated lying and just couldn't do it. I said, "You know what, I honestly do not know. I couldn't even tell you." So my friends' mother starts questioning her and they get in a huge argument. A few mins later, she calls me saying "I wish you had just f*in lied! She trying to kick me out!" I guess it's her mother's way of being controlling, and of course it's wrong, but I feel horrible!
I guess I wish I had lied too. Or I wish my friend would have been able to just stand up to her mom and say "She's with my cousin. I know you don't like her, but you won't watch the baby while I work, so I'm doing what I have to do."
I think that a lot of times people should do things which seem so easy to me, and conversely, people often find it so easy to do things that really eat away at my insides (like lying). IDK. I'm gonna pray about the situation. It gave me a pretty detailed first blog, though... :-(
I do NOT like liars. I try to tell the truth as often as possible. I've been called brutally honest, but after being hurt by lies, I feel that in nearly EVERY case, honesty is the best policy I think that at 22 years old, I shouldn't have to lie about anything. So, in most cases, I don't. I'd rather blatantly not answer a question to the point where the asker knows that they're being denied a response and further questioning will result in the truth, an answer they probably don't want to hear.
So, anyway, my best friend puts me in a HORRIBLE predicament a few mins ago. She calls to say "I told my mom you're watching my daughter." I said "okay" after finding out that she took the baby to her cousin's house to be watched while my friend worked. (Her mom really dislikes this cousin.) Then we ended the convo. Now I've watched my god baby before and never has her mother called me to check in. Today, though, she calls me. I felt that it could be her so I checked my cell before I answered my best friend's ringtone, and, sure enough, it was her house phone, not her cell. So I didn't answer. I called my friend's cell right back because I was under the impression that she was at work. She hands the phone to her mother while I'm in the middle of saying "I don't want to talk to her, I'm not going to lie." I HATE being put in that position. GRRRRR. She used to make me lie to her job so she could leave early, before I flat out told her to get someone else to do it because I hate lying. So her mother was quiet, listening for me to say where the baby was, and she says, "Hey, what's my grandbaby doin?" I contemplated lying and just couldn't do it. I said, "You know what, I honestly do not know. I couldn't even tell you." So my friends' mother starts questioning her and they get in a huge argument. A few mins later, she calls me saying "I wish you had just f*in lied! She trying to kick me out!" I guess it's her mother's way of being controlling, and of course it's wrong, but I feel horrible!
I guess I wish I had lied too. Or I wish my friend would have been able to just stand up to her mom and say "She's with my cousin. I know you don't like her, but you won't watch the baby while I work, so I'm doing what I have to do."
I think that a lot of times people should do things which seem so easy to me, and conversely, people often find it so easy to do things that really eat away at my insides (like lying). IDK. I'm gonna pray about the situation. It gave me a pretty detailed first blog, though... :-(
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