I prided myself on being quite a special individual. For years I've been referred to as "something else" (which often annoyed me b/c I STILL don't know exactly what those words mean). I guess just decided that the phrase means that I'm special, I'm unique, I'm different, maybe slightly wierd, but most importantly, I'm not like anyone around me... I'm something ELSE...
(Guess that wasn't as hard as I made it out to be)...
Anyway, I stumbled across a blog by this chick who's experiences totally reflect many of my journal entries from about two years ago... Man, it's freaky. I was already in a very introspective mood today, but she REALLY got me thinking even MORE about some things. Idk if I'll write about them all right now, b/c there's kind of a backlog in my brain of topics I KNEW I wanted to write about as soon as I got off work (TGIF, WHOO HOO!)
But er um... yeah. I think the girl goes to my old school, which in some wierd way, makes me feel even more of a connection with what she's saying... It's like, you've experienced this pain in the same geographic location, hell, even the same DORM in which I experienced much of my own pain... As I'm reading, I'm just like, SEEING the events unfold in my head... Like, literally seeing through her eyes, totally picturing myself in her shoes because that really WAS me at one point, dropping croutons at the salad bar... (I can even smell the HORRIBLE lunchroom smell... so eloquently referred to my friends and I when as "Lunchroom" when we encountered eachother after having eaten) that forced me to take showers shortly after returning to my dorm room...
Mostly, though, I've been feeling a nostalgia for college. The pain I experienced, especially in my last two years, made me say that under no circumstances would I miss the experiences or the people... But this week (possibly spurred by a random text from a girl who I actually stopped calling a friend and began disliking my sophomore year of college... who only has my number b/c amongst others, she and I were planning to carpool to the reunion weekend in November) I have been reminiscing like CRAZY...
I chalk it up to my cycle... I've been EXTRA emotional this week...
Friday, January 30, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
I'm a Flip Flopper...
That I am... So I decide I wanna reinvent the bitch that I buried sometime around the sophomore year of college... (The result of actually falling head over heels love and learning to care about someone other than myslef.)
However, I'm too nice to be the bitch because I actually CARE! Like I wanna be completely impartial, but I still have feelings for many of those to whom I've decided to be a bitch. So I think I'm a confused bitch... And if you ever call me that word, I'll slap the f--- out of you... (Well, not really... I don't need a pending assault case while I'm trying to get into law school.... But I'll curse you out really bad and make you want 2 jump off of a high bridge atop a rocky cliff....) I'm the only one I'll allow to ever call myself that... Except maybe close friends... Anyway, I'm rambling. Lemme get to my point.
So I originally came on here to blog about my thoughts of 3 people, but considering the fact that it's 10:44 p.m. and I planned to be in bed by 11, as soon as The Colbert Report goes off, I'll stick to one... I guess I can write about the other 2 tomorrow...
So the ex bff texts me 2night after work. She's so gosh darn random...
Her: I don't know when I get my last W-2 but I will bring you your money after I get money.
Me: Okay, that's fine.
Her: Do you think we would be able to discuss talking again cause you are (her daughter)'s legal godmother
1. I never knew there was a such thing as a legal godmother... I thought that was a religious thing and I definitely missed the ceremony because I couldn't come home from college that weekend...
2. AGAIN with the refusal to accept responsibility! I mean, just say "I miss you, you're awesome, you were the best friend I could ever have... I shouldn't have lied to you, I suck. I deserve every bad thing you said to me." Of course not... Of course she had to put off her desire to speak to me onto the baby... Man-oh-man, does she have a long way to go...
Me: Yeah, I was willing to discuss it last time; guess our schedules didn't work out.
Her: No but me and Andre will be driving separate cars soon so I will be able to come by without him.
Me:Ok. I don't know who that is or why it matters, but just tell me in enough advance notice and I will add it to my schedule.
Definitely lyin my @$$ off... When her mother called me last week, or the week before, she told me that Andre is the ex bff's new boyfriend, and that he's a pretty decent guy. That's all fine and dandy, but seriously, IDGAF. That has nothing to do with me, and don't be throwing random names into conversation with me like we've even been friends for the last 3 months... Because we HAVEN'T.
Her: Ok.
Anyway, we'll see how that works out... I may choose to accept her apology and resume speaking to her IF AND ONLY IF (there's that LSAT language for ya) she decides to man up and tell the freaking truth about EVERYTHING. That's all I ask...
I said SPEAK to her... Idk if I want to be her "friend" again... The bitch part of me isn't too keen on letting people back in after they've pretty much proven that they shouldn't be allowed. I do miss my beautiful godbaby though.
Maybe I could keep her at an arm's length? But seriously, I've even changed a lot in the past 3 months... Who I AM is becoming more and more clear, and I'm learning to make the BEST self-benefitting decisions... After a few conversations, she may realize that she doesn't even want to be my friend anymore.
Like her mother said, people grow apart sometimes... I have my life headed in a specific direction and quite a few aspects of the personality I remember her having (and I say it this way, because it would be bastardly of me to assume that I've changed/grown in the past 3 months but she hasn't...though I seriously doubt she has...) completely contradict with the values of the people that I want in my life... those who are also just as dedicated, just as motivated, just as positive, and who I can in no way forsee beeing a hindrance to anything that I want to do...
So idk, man. This may be a chance to practice that good forgiveness that God wants us to use... She needs to apologize and admit her faults first...
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Those Random Attributes Posts
Ok... Here I go again... Jumping on another bandwagon... At least this one isn't costing me any money...
25 Random Things About Me (and maybe more depending on if I feel like stopping)
1. I choose my words very carefully. When thinking about the words I want to use, I'm determining the level of ambiguity or disclosure I want to use based on the person and the situation... (This is my substitute for lying. If I never commented on something, you can't say I lied about it, can you? I do realize that this can be pretty deceptive, but in most cases, the things I choose to omit are things which are none of the other person's business in the first place... Things which shouldn't affect the person whether they know or not. The funny thing is, I get mad at ppl for not disclosing info to me... But this is when the info DOES affect me... I think that I'm a better judge at whether certain info is on a need-to-know basis than others are...)
2. I HATE liars... When I'm lied to, I group the liar into a category with every person who has ever hurt me as a result of their lies, or any other reason. Sometimes I blow small lies out of proportion because I'm comparing them to THE ULTIMATE LIAR... I don't know if this is good or bad, but I'm pretty darn honest with myself and with others, so I feel that every one in my life should be as well.
3. I am secretly envious of my friends (all 1 of them that I know of) who are in fulfilling, respectful, loving relationships.
4. Conversely, I think all of my friends who are in bad relationships are incredibly stupid; especially if they've been in bad relationships before... I feel like they should have learned their lesson from the previous situation... Also, based on the things I've learned about myself since my bad "relationship", I feel that people who stay in a situation when they KNOW it doesn't feel right or isn't good for them, are seriously lacking in self esteem in some aspect of their life, and that there's nothing I can do to help them.... They've gotta figure it out on their own...
5. I feel that people who were raised relatively well-off can't possibly understand some of the struggles I go through, especially things that are connected to money, like spur of the moment financial obligations, or even just simple things b/c when you don't have a lot of money, every decision needs to be calculated... I need to know my beginning and my ending, even regarding simple things like a night out. For example, I don't like to be a burden to people by asking them to come get me to go out, even if I really want to go out with them. And I don't like having to put gas money in other people's cars, because I'd rather save that money toward getting my own car and then that just makes the whole going out process even MORE expensive. And then I don't like being tired and ready to go home but not being able to say something cuz I'm not the driver anyway.... Okay. Maybe I'm being dramatic, b/c friends have told me that I'm not a burden to them but still... I feel like I am sometimes and they just don't get it.
6. The two days my mother let me borrow her car a couple of months ago (for the first time ever in life) were the best two days of my life! I felt so free, and it lit a fire under my butt to hurry up and get my car before march...
7. I think too much and over analyze situations, often to my own detriment. Sometimes, in my analytical process, I'll have arrived at the right conclusion, but then no, I don't act on that one... I'll keep on analyzing and act on the one that ends up messing stuff up!
8. I secretly think that in meeting me, EVERYONE has an ulterior motive, and then any friendships that ensue emerge later... After the person realizes how awesome I am!
9. I think I am one of the most giving, selfless people in the world... until I'm crossed... Then I can be a pretty mean, evil person...
10. I sleep cuddled with my doggie, even though he has the worst dog breath ever... I just turn his head in the opposite direction.
11. I LOOOOVVVEEE weave b/c I love how I look with long hair... It makes me feel glamorous! I'm turning into such a length whore... Maybe next winter I'll try butt-length? ;-) However, since I hate to lie, it makes me sad when I have a really good weave and ppl ask if it's my hair and I'm forced to tell the truth... I wish people would mind their business! If you can't tell it's a weave, don't ask, shoot! lol.
12. I'm lactose intolerant, but love pretty much anything with cheese in it... ANYTHING...
13. I'm afraid sometimes that I won't be sexually attracted to or satisfied by the man that's perfect for me... I know looks and sex aren't everything, but.............. I guess they're kind of important to me.
14. I'm learning to cut people out of my life completely... I can do the whole no communication thing, but I am still working on cutting them out of my brainspace...
15. I wonder what things might have been like had I been born to a different mother. I think that she was a crippling influence in my life for quite some time...
16. I adopt other people's families because I wish I was born into a big loving family. I hope that my husband has a big loving family with family reunions and cookouts, etc.
17. Most guys that I've dated recently only make it past a couple of dates if I'm bored.
18. I change my number like once a year to help get certain people out of my life. It makes me feel good that in the rare event that someone I dislike has decided to try to contact me, in most cases, they can't. This is also why my facebook profile is so restricted.
19. I'm a sexual being but I get disgusted when dudes want to talk about it over the phone, like a play-by-play of what they want me to do to them or vice versa... Gross... Just drive over here... It's even MORE disgusting if I've never discussed anything sexual with a dude before, b/c if I haven't even brought it up, it means I don't view dude like that, and bringing it up will make me peg him as disrespectful and one-track-minded, so I won't even want to be bothered.
20. I believe I could be the world's best wife... If given the chance.
21. I'm preparing myself for marriage... I think this is why I refuse to deal with guys who don't seem like husband material right out the gate... I don't want to feel like I'm wasting my time.
22. I kinda feel bad for many guys who try to talk to me, even the ones who are decent enough to get my #. I feel like I'm comparing them to this skeleton model of what I need my guy to be like, and if they don't match up, they'll be ignored or if they don't get the hint, will hear me saying a blunt, "look, I'm really not interested in you like that... I only gave you my number because I spilled sweet and sour sauce on your pants and felt bad. Sorry." I lose interest quickly if I'm not seeing the qualities I'm looking for. I realize I'm picky but I think that being selective keeps me from turning into one of the stupid friends I'm thinking about in #4. (Or into the stupid girl I was 6 mos. to 4 years ago...
23. I LOVE dogs... like I could spend hours in a pet store... Playing with dogs makes me very happy and reminds me of when I was little and my mom was sad... We'd go to the pet store and play with the puppies.
24. I HATE when ppl misjudge me... especially when they don't know me...
25. I'm sensitive... I'm growing out of my crybaby phase, but it still hangs around sometimes...
26. I think I'm one of the fattest people I know... Like mentally... If my night ends in eating, it's usually a good night...
27. I'm self conscious about my acne.
28. If I'm in the house all day being lazy and nobody's around me, I may not shower... (I know... gross)
29. I'm in a state of personal conflict as I try to understand God's will for my life and match my own desires to it. I struggle with the notion of being a single Christian woman, and I do a lot of thinking about relationships and sex, especially the "sinful" aspect of sex in Christianity.
30. I wish I had a big brother, especially in Jr. High and High School. I wish I knew my daddy, too... For all the obvious psychological/emotional reasons, but also, so that when people ask me what I'm mixed with (because I MUST be mixed in order to be a black girl with curly hair... please note the sarcasm) I could give a definitive answer instead of either announcing the first random ethnicity that pops into my head or saying "Black and African-American" :-)
31. I don't understand why people see me and automatically assume I'm stuck up or selfish. I think I'm pretty, but I don't think that people should look at me and automatically peg me as conceited, w/o me ever opening my mouth or anything... I don't think I act like I'm prettier than anyone else...
31. I consider myself self-centered, especially as of late. I don't think it's a bad thing either. I think that every move I make in life is about making my SELF a happier, better person. So I'm spending a lot of time thinking about and acting for myself. If someone or something doesn't align with the idea of the life that I want for myself, then I don't want anything to do with that person or thing.
32. I'm afraid of being an out of shape older person with a saggy belly and boobs... But I still haven't quite worked up the courage to work out regularly... Maybe I'll join a gym when I get my car?
33. I think I can learn a lot about people by their perception of me!
34. I'd be happy if I could get a breast reduction. I only want to be a C-cup. Like in high school. I think D is too big because I'm short and I can't wear a lot of the clothes I'd like to wear. I'm also concerned that when I have kids, they'll start to sag... :-(
35. I don't believe that guys genuinely start out wanting to be my friend and my friend only. I believe that if they could, they would all sleep with me.
36. I think that hoes mess it up for the genuine girls in the world and cause guys to treat all women disrespectfully because they're so used to treating the hoes like whatever...
37. I HATE loud @$$ commercials.... Like when you have the show you're watching at the perfect level and some commercial comes on and almost bursts your eardrums... It's tres annoying.
K. I'm done typing.
25 Random Things About Me (and maybe more depending on if I feel like stopping)
1. I choose my words very carefully. When thinking about the words I want to use, I'm determining the level of ambiguity or disclosure I want to use based on the person and the situation... (This is my substitute for lying. If I never commented on something, you can't say I lied about it, can you? I do realize that this can be pretty deceptive, but in most cases, the things I choose to omit are things which are none of the other person's business in the first place... Things which shouldn't affect the person whether they know or not. The funny thing is, I get mad at ppl for not disclosing info to me... But this is when the info DOES affect me... I think that I'm a better judge at whether certain info is on a need-to-know basis than others are...)
2. I HATE liars... When I'm lied to, I group the liar into a category with every person who has ever hurt me as a result of their lies, or any other reason. Sometimes I blow small lies out of proportion because I'm comparing them to THE ULTIMATE LIAR... I don't know if this is good or bad, but I'm pretty darn honest with myself and with others, so I feel that every one in my life should be as well.
3. I am secretly envious of my friends (all 1 of them that I know of) who are in fulfilling, respectful, loving relationships.
4. Conversely, I think all of my friends who are in bad relationships are incredibly stupid; especially if they've been in bad relationships before... I feel like they should have learned their lesson from the previous situation... Also, based on the things I've learned about myself since my bad "relationship", I feel that people who stay in a situation when they KNOW it doesn't feel right or isn't good for them, are seriously lacking in self esteem in some aspect of their life, and that there's nothing I can do to help them.... They've gotta figure it out on their own...
5. I feel that people who were raised relatively well-off can't possibly understand some of the struggles I go through, especially things that are connected to money, like spur of the moment financial obligations, or even just simple things b/c when you don't have a lot of money, every decision needs to be calculated... I need to know my beginning and my ending, even regarding simple things like a night out. For example, I don't like to be a burden to people by asking them to come get me to go out, even if I really want to go out with them. And I don't like having to put gas money in other people's cars, because I'd rather save that money toward getting my own car and then that just makes the whole going out process even MORE expensive. And then I don't like being tired and ready to go home but not being able to say something cuz I'm not the driver anyway.... Okay. Maybe I'm being dramatic, b/c friends have told me that I'm not a burden to them but still... I feel like I am sometimes and they just don't get it.
6. The two days my mother let me borrow her car a couple of months ago (for the first time ever in life) were the best two days of my life! I felt so free, and it lit a fire under my butt to hurry up and get my car before march...
7. I think too much and over analyze situations, often to my own detriment. Sometimes, in my analytical process, I'll have arrived at the right conclusion, but then no, I don't act on that one... I'll keep on analyzing and act on the one that ends up messing stuff up!
8. I secretly think that in meeting me, EVERYONE has an ulterior motive, and then any friendships that ensue emerge later... After the person realizes how awesome I am!
9. I think I am one of the most giving, selfless people in the world... until I'm crossed... Then I can be a pretty mean, evil person...
10. I sleep cuddled with my doggie, even though he has the worst dog breath ever... I just turn his head in the opposite direction.
11. I LOOOOVVVEEE weave b/c I love how I look with long hair... It makes me feel glamorous! I'm turning into such a length whore... Maybe next winter I'll try butt-length? ;-) However, since I hate to lie, it makes me sad when I have a really good weave and ppl ask if it's my hair and I'm forced to tell the truth... I wish people would mind their business! If you can't tell it's a weave, don't ask, shoot! lol.
12. I'm lactose intolerant, but love pretty much anything with cheese in it... ANYTHING...
13. I'm afraid sometimes that I won't be sexually attracted to or satisfied by the man that's perfect for me... I know looks and sex aren't everything, but.............. I guess they're kind of important to me.
14. I'm learning to cut people out of my life completely... I can do the whole no communication thing, but I am still working on cutting them out of my brainspace...
15. I wonder what things might have been like had I been born to a different mother. I think that she was a crippling influence in my life for quite some time...
16. I adopt other people's families because I wish I was born into a big loving family. I hope that my husband has a big loving family with family reunions and cookouts, etc.
17. Most guys that I've dated recently only make it past a couple of dates if I'm bored.
18. I change my number like once a year to help get certain people out of my life. It makes me feel good that in the rare event that someone I dislike has decided to try to contact me, in most cases, they can't. This is also why my facebook profile is so restricted.
19. I'm a sexual being but I get disgusted when dudes want to talk about it over the phone, like a play-by-play of what they want me to do to them or vice versa... Gross... Just drive over here... It's even MORE disgusting if I've never discussed anything sexual with a dude before, b/c if I haven't even brought it up, it means I don't view dude like that, and bringing it up will make me peg him as disrespectful and one-track-minded, so I won't even want to be bothered.
20. I believe I could be the world's best wife... If given the chance.
21. I'm preparing myself for marriage... I think this is why I refuse to deal with guys who don't seem like husband material right out the gate... I don't want to feel like I'm wasting my time.
22. I kinda feel bad for many guys who try to talk to me, even the ones who are decent enough to get my #. I feel like I'm comparing them to this skeleton model of what I need my guy to be like, and if they don't match up, they'll be ignored or if they don't get the hint, will hear me saying a blunt, "look, I'm really not interested in you like that... I only gave you my number because I spilled sweet and sour sauce on your pants and felt bad. Sorry." I lose interest quickly if I'm not seeing the qualities I'm looking for. I realize I'm picky but I think that being selective keeps me from turning into one of the stupid friends I'm thinking about in #4. (Or into the stupid girl I was 6 mos. to 4 years ago...
23. I LOVE dogs... like I could spend hours in a pet store... Playing with dogs makes me very happy and reminds me of when I was little and my mom was sad... We'd go to the pet store and play with the puppies.
24. I HATE when ppl misjudge me... especially when they don't know me...
25. I'm sensitive... I'm growing out of my crybaby phase, but it still hangs around sometimes...
26. I think I'm one of the fattest people I know... Like mentally... If my night ends in eating, it's usually a good night...
27. I'm self conscious about my acne.
28. If I'm in the house all day being lazy and nobody's around me, I may not shower... (I know... gross)
29. I'm in a state of personal conflict as I try to understand God's will for my life and match my own desires to it. I struggle with the notion of being a single Christian woman, and I do a lot of thinking about relationships and sex, especially the "sinful" aspect of sex in Christianity.
30. I wish I had a big brother, especially in Jr. High and High School. I wish I knew my daddy, too... For all the obvious psychological/emotional reasons, but also, so that when people ask me what I'm mixed with (because I MUST be mixed in order to be a black girl with curly hair... please note the sarcasm) I could give a definitive answer instead of either announcing the first random ethnicity that pops into my head or saying "Black and African-American" :-)
31. I don't understand why people see me and automatically assume I'm stuck up or selfish. I think I'm pretty, but I don't think that people should look at me and automatically peg me as conceited, w/o me ever opening my mouth or anything... I don't think I act like I'm prettier than anyone else...
31. I consider myself self-centered, especially as of late. I don't think it's a bad thing either. I think that every move I make in life is about making my SELF a happier, better person. So I'm spending a lot of time thinking about and acting for myself. If someone or something doesn't align with the idea of the life that I want for myself, then I don't want anything to do with that person or thing.
32. I'm afraid of being an out of shape older person with a saggy belly and boobs... But I still haven't quite worked up the courage to work out regularly... Maybe I'll join a gym when I get my car?
33. I think I can learn a lot about people by their perception of me!
34. I'd be happy if I could get a breast reduction. I only want to be a C-cup. Like in high school. I think D is too big because I'm short and I can't wear a lot of the clothes I'd like to wear. I'm also concerned that when I have kids, they'll start to sag... :-(
35. I don't believe that guys genuinely start out wanting to be my friend and my friend only. I believe that if they could, they would all sleep with me.
36. I think that hoes mess it up for the genuine girls in the world and cause guys to treat all women disrespectfully because they're so used to treating the hoes like whatever...
37. I HATE loud @$$ commercials.... Like when you have the show you're watching at the perfect level and some commercial comes on and almost bursts your eardrums... It's tres annoying.
K. I'm done typing.
Monday, January 26, 2009
A Conversation
One of those rare random late night conversations... Sigh... reminded me of the spontaneous philosophical convos that emerged late nights while in college... (ok... 10pm is late to ME.... @ least now that I'm working full--time, anyway).
Shana: read Matthew 19
when u get a chace
and tell me what u think
its short
me: k
Shana: its bout marriage
me: im bout 2 start reading The Lady, Her Lover, and Her Lord
Shana: whats that about
me: its TD Jakes
ima type the back
Shana: ok
me: "There are some things the lady can receive only from within herself. There are others that are a direct result of her having a warm arm wrapped around her on a cold night. But when human hands fail, there is always the strength of the everlasting arms of God.
Shana: hmmm
sounds interesting
me: "We will explore how every woman can live a balanced life and attain success in each of these significant areas. We will share openly what it takes to maintain her idintity, his attention, and the Lord's favor. Why settle for two sides of a triangle when you can have it all? The lady, her lover, and her Lord--let the three noties in your life sing in harmony. It's the sweetest song you'll ever hear."
Sent at 9:54 PM on Monday
Shana: that sound good
u gone have 2 pass that along
when u done
me: k
yeah it's interesting (Talkin bout Matthew)
i mean ppl say that u shouldnt divorce
except for infidelity
and some say
u should still try to work it out after infidelity
my thing is
respect
if u love me and respect me
and made a horrible mistake
and i still love u
and respect u
then why not try 2 work it out
Shana: right
me: And what ppl miss, I think
me: is that it says WHAT GOD BROUGHT TOGETHER
Shana: i feel like that 2
marriage i think is so much deeper
Shana: u cant just run out of it
me: God is not gon bring 2 ppl who clearly dont trust and respect eachother 2gether
Shana: right
me: but flesh can bring those ppl 2gether
Shana: u brought that on ur self
shoot
me: and some people are so damn dumb
Shana: u kno that ish wasnt right
me: thats how i feel about certain situations "friends" are in
if it dont fit
dont force it
if u miserable fighting all the time
that aint God
if he cussin u
and flingin u in2 walls
and callin u out ur name
that aint God
and in other scenarios
if he belonged 2 sum1 else
and u had to SLEEP WITH SUM1 ELSE'S MAN
to get him,
that ain't God either
Shana: RIGHT
thas what i said
girl
me: but its some dumb stupid hoes out here
Shana: like i be tryin 2 tell my friends
like u got w/ him
c/ u was sleepin w/ him
while he was w/ somebody
that lady from
the family that preys
said it best
she said
u dont get happiness in life by bringing pain to someone else
it aint never gone work
me: right
never never never
Shana: and people
focus too much
on society
and what society tell them what they should do
it says right here (Matt 19: 10-12)
that everybody isnt gonna accept this word
and they asses dont need 2 be
marrying!
me: right!
Shana: shoot
me: right!
totally
Shana: people sellin themselves dreams
but oh well
me: yup
be in church and twist and turn the pastor's words
to fit yo sinful situation
no
it aint right
lol
Shana: lol
right
me: just say God forgive me and keep it moving
gosh
Shana: thinkin u gotta be married
and have somebody
for ur child
and yada yada yada
me: right
Shana: sellin dreams
me: and that's why "hearts harden
like the scripture said
lemme go back 2 it
i read niv
Shana: yeah
it says that
me: * 7.
* "Why then," they asked, "did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?"
* 8.
* Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning"
* "Why then," they asked, "did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?"
* 8.
* Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning"
Shana's new status message - its society, get w/ it or get expelled! Thas just the way of the world, right? WRONG! 10:06 PM
me: their hearts were hard
me: cuz it wasn't love in the 1st place
it was lust.
they weren't supposed 2 be 2gether in the 1st place
Shana: or w/e it was
me: that's why their hearts were hardened
Shana: sometimes it dont be lust
it just be stupid
plain stupid
me: lmao
dang
Shana: lol
me: instant status message
Shana: lol
me: yeah
if every1 in the world had as much sense as us
it'd be a better place
Shana: lol
lol
thas a good status
me: thanks 2 u
lol
Shana: LOL
LOL
me: like I know "its better 2 marry than 2 burn"
but seriously
u can't control ur hormones that bad
that u gotta run in2 a marriage that God doesn't have for you?
please
Shana: yeah
its not that bad
like i dont think marriage is the answer
me: not the answer
its a goal
for 2 like minded ppl
but the scripture even said
some ppl are supposed 2 not marry
Shana: yeah
and marriage 2 me
is more than
just a piece of a paper
me: ITA
its a partnership
Shana: so people need 2 sit down somewhere
me: me and margaux talk about this all the time
relationships arent the same way
Shana: like u can have a monogamous relationship
and it be way better off
me: its not just some dumb title, so u can say this person belongs 2 u and u 2 them
Shana: then somebody who think they gotta run
Shana: into a marriage
thas just dumb
me: and reality check
me: relationship is still single
ppl think relationships are marriage
Shana: yeah they do
lol
me: census stats say
single
married
widowed
divorced
Shana: lmao
me: if u aint married
ur butt is single
no matter how much u playin house
for real
just cuz u got some cheap engagement rings on
u still single
u aint pledged ur love in front of God
Shana: LMAO
right
me: u aint honored no marriage vows
u are SINGLE
Shana: that engagement ring shyt
is at an all time high
Shana: like
seriously
me: right
a hot mess
for ppl
me: who REALLY don't know what the heck they doin with life
Shana: lol
LMAO
and like
im not gone be engaged that long
when i get engaged
its gone be time 2 plan the wedding
and thas it
im not bout 2 be engaged for no years
and ur ass aint livin w/me
either
until ur name on the lease nigga
me: RIGHT
and ur name aint on the lease
until we walk down that aisle
shoot
aint no common law
not here
shoot
Shana: lol
right
im not on that
c/ thas just a recipe for disaster
me: right
that's just TALKING 2 the nth power
seriously
Shana: lol
it is
me: i already know that TALKING don't work out for me
so i darn sure wouldnt do that cohabitation bs
Shana: lol
me either
c/ he too comfortable
and get all the perks
me: right. so what incentive do he have 2 do better?
none
Shana: b4 his ass married 2 me
me: and that's just makin more room
Shana: exactly
me: for the dumb hoe
Shana: and it just starts everything off on the wrong foot
me: that think God done blessed her with YOUR man
2 come along
Shana: right
me: and steal him right out of "y'all" house
Shana: exactly
lmao
right yall
people stupid
being engaged for
no damn 9 years
e: yeah
u mean engaged
they are
like my uncle 1 of his baby mama's
spozed 2 done eloped like 3 times
all the "babies" are grown as hell
lol
1 is 18
1 is 17
and 1 is 11 or 12
Shana: lol
lol
see yeah
me: thats 2 many yrs 2 be engaged
I remember me and 1 of my friends were talking bout our "talking" situations
like 3 or 4 years ago
and how we were frustrated and tryna figure out why they weren't turning in2 relationships
and she came in the room and was like
"2 years, shyyytttt I been waitin 15"
lol. we just shut the f up
like ummm... u win
Shana: lmao
yeah
15
awh hell naw
i would shut up too
me: lol
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
What's YOUR Relationship Persona?
So, I've been thinking a lot about relationships and about "relationship personalities", a term I'm not so sure I've coined, but will say I have for the purposes of this blog.
I tried to categorize different relationship personalities, but I'm sure there are more than those which occur to me, so I'll just mention a few that I've noticed, and what I think of them.
The Broken Record
This girl/guy keeps attracting and being attracted to the SAME kind of detrimental personality type time and time again. The worst part is, instead of recognizing a pattern, they keep falling in the same trap and never learn from their mistakes because they are too busy trying to justify why this new person is "so different" from the last one; arguably a subconscious admission that they see blatant similarities between the two.
The Case of the Missing Friend
This guy/girl starts out cool, but eventually every word out of their mouth is (S.O.'s name) this, (S.O.'s name) that... This is excusable if it lasts for a short "honeymoon period" while the friend gets acclimated to the new relationship. However, it becomes a problem when all of a sudden, the friend stops answering the phone, and if you ARE able to reach them to offer an invite, they don't want to go if their S.O. can't go, or if their S.O. doesn't approve. They lose all self identity and do not exist outside of their S.O. Every hobby they had before entering the relationship falls to the wayside, and their only goal and only happiness in life is anything that includes their S.O. Even if the relationship turns sour and it becomes obvious that it is bringing the worst out of them, they will compromise true happiness and what is best for them because they feel that their S.O. provides all the happiness they need, and that they could not exist without him/her.
The Basher/Whiner
This guy/girl takes every little gripe they have with their S.O. (I'm only talking about the little idiosyncrasies that can be overlooked, not serious character flaws or incompatability issues) and escalates them to monumental proportions calling their friends to vent whiile making the S.O. look like a horrible person, when, in actuality, the S.O. is not half bad. The worst part is that the Basher/Whiner, after complaining and dumping all of this baggage and negative energy off onto their friend, then returns to the S.O. and everything is tropical paradise and mai-tais for them and the S.O. (who, in most cases, never knew he/she was doing anything disagreeable in the first place, because the Basher/Whiner doesn't have the backbone or common sense to address his/her concerns with the S.O., but preferably uses friends as an immediate release of their frustration). Next, the Basher/Whiner doesn't understand why his/her friends want nothing to do with the S.O. in social situations. (Who can blame the friends for forming an opinion based on the negative info, the ONLY info, they receive about the S.O. from the friend?)
The Mother/Father Figure
This person ignores OBVIOUS character flaws or incompatability issues they may have with their potential S.O. and enters a relationship because they want the "credit of the upgrade". They try to turn a common thug into an intellectual, a KNOWN player into someone who wants to be in a faithful, monagamous relationship (with the Mother/Father Figure, of course), a hoe into a housewife, or person who doesn't respect his or her self or others into a person that the Mother/Father Figure can "bring home to mama". More subtle actions the mother/father figure often exhibit are controlling language or actions, including trying to guilt their S.O. into feeling bad for choosing to do something other than that which he/she wants the S.O. to do, and or attempting to establish a dependence of the S.O. on the Mother/Father figure through a twisted system of rewards and punishments, or showing obvious disapproval in anything that could cause the S.O. to maintain a sense of independence in the relationship.
The Crafty Salesman
This person becomes a master at utilizing the elastic qualities of the truth, bending and stretching away until they have conveyed the perfect image and convinced the victim (their potential S.O.) to become completely enthralled in what they want to be perceived that they have to offer. The Crafty Salesman sells the S.O. a dream and make him/her believe a false image of themself, that is, until the warranty expires... Once they've sealed the deal and there's no turning back, once they've gotten the S.O. so hooked and satisfied with their performance they're free to show their true colors! Then, The Crafty Salesman tries to make the S.O. believe he/she misheard or misinterpreted The Crafty Salesman's original intentions and alerts the S.O. to the fact that he/she is stuck with the consequences... No exchanges or refunds... All sales are final, and there's no way to restore the product to its original, shiny, brand-spankin-new state!
The funny thing is, I'm sure I've been a combo of a few of these in previous relationships or "non-relationships". As I think of more, I'll add them.
I tried to categorize different relationship personalities, but I'm sure there are more than those which occur to me, so I'll just mention a few that I've noticed, and what I think of them.
The Broken Record
This girl/guy keeps attracting and being attracted to the SAME kind of detrimental personality type time and time again. The worst part is, instead of recognizing a pattern, they keep falling in the same trap and never learn from their mistakes because they are too busy trying to justify why this new person is "so different" from the last one; arguably a subconscious admission that they see blatant similarities between the two.
The Case of the Missing Friend
This guy/girl starts out cool, but eventually every word out of their mouth is (S.O.'s name) this, (S.O.'s name) that... This is excusable if it lasts for a short "honeymoon period" while the friend gets acclimated to the new relationship. However, it becomes a problem when all of a sudden, the friend stops answering the phone, and if you ARE able to reach them to offer an invite, they don't want to go if their S.O. can't go, or if their S.O. doesn't approve. They lose all self identity and do not exist outside of their S.O. Every hobby they had before entering the relationship falls to the wayside, and their only goal and only happiness in life is anything that includes their S.O. Even if the relationship turns sour and it becomes obvious that it is bringing the worst out of them, they will compromise true happiness and what is best for them because they feel that their S.O. provides all the happiness they need, and that they could not exist without him/her.
The Basher/Whiner
This guy/girl takes every little gripe they have with their S.O. (I'm only talking about the little idiosyncrasies that can be overlooked, not serious character flaws or incompatability issues) and escalates them to monumental proportions calling their friends to vent whiile making the S.O. look like a horrible person, when, in actuality, the S.O. is not half bad. The worst part is that the Basher/Whiner, after complaining and dumping all of this baggage and negative energy off onto their friend, then returns to the S.O. and everything is tropical paradise and mai-tais for them and the S.O. (who, in most cases, never knew he/she was doing anything disagreeable in the first place, because the Basher/Whiner doesn't have the backbone or common sense to address his/her concerns with the S.O., but preferably uses friends as an immediate release of their frustration). Next, the Basher/Whiner doesn't understand why his/her friends want nothing to do with the S.O. in social situations. (Who can blame the friends for forming an opinion based on the negative info, the ONLY info, they receive about the S.O. from the friend?)
The Mother/Father Figure
This person ignores OBVIOUS character flaws or incompatability issues they may have with their potential S.O. and enters a relationship because they want the "credit of the upgrade". They try to turn a common thug into an intellectual, a KNOWN player into someone who wants to be in a faithful, monagamous relationship (with the Mother/Father Figure, of course), a hoe into a housewife, or person who doesn't respect his or her self or others into a person that the Mother/Father Figure can "bring home to mama". More subtle actions the mother/father figure often exhibit are controlling language or actions, including trying to guilt their S.O. into feeling bad for choosing to do something other than that which he/she wants the S.O. to do, and or attempting to establish a dependence of the S.O. on the Mother/Father figure through a twisted system of rewards and punishments, or showing obvious disapproval in anything that could cause the S.O. to maintain a sense of independence in the relationship.
The Crafty Salesman
This person becomes a master at utilizing the elastic qualities of the truth, bending and stretching away until they have conveyed the perfect image and convinced the victim (their potential S.O.) to become completely enthralled in what they want to be perceived that they have to offer. The Crafty Salesman sells the S.O. a dream and make him/her believe a false image of themself, that is, until the warranty expires... Once they've sealed the deal and there's no turning back, once they've gotten the S.O. so hooked and satisfied with their performance they're free to show their true colors! Then, The Crafty Salesman tries to make the S.O. believe he/she misheard or misinterpreted The Crafty Salesman's original intentions and alerts the S.O. to the fact that he/she is stuck with the consequences... No exchanges or refunds... All sales are final, and there's no way to restore the product to its original, shiny, brand-spankin-new state!
The funny thing is, I'm sure I've been a combo of a few of these in previous relationships or "non-relationships". As I think of more, I'll add them.
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