That I am... So I decide I wanna reinvent the bitch that I buried sometime around the sophomore year of college... (The result of actually falling head over heels love and learning to care about someone other than myslef.)
However, I'm too nice to be the bitch because I actually CARE! Like I wanna be completely impartial, but I still have feelings for many of those to whom I've decided to be a bitch. So I think I'm a confused bitch... And if you ever call me that word, I'll slap the f--- out of you... (Well, not really... I don't need a pending assault case while I'm trying to get into law school.... But I'll curse you out really bad and make you want 2 jump off of a high bridge atop a rocky cliff....) I'm the only one I'll allow to ever call myself that... Except maybe close friends... Anyway, I'm rambling. Lemme get to my point.
So I originally came on here to blog about my thoughts of 3 people, but considering the fact that it's 10:44 p.m. and I planned to be in bed by 11, as soon as The Colbert Report goes off, I'll stick to one... I guess I can write about the other 2 tomorrow...
So the ex bff texts me 2night after work. She's so gosh darn random...
Her: I don't know when I get my last W-2 but I will bring you your money after I get money.
Me: Okay, that's fine.
Her: Do you think we would be able to discuss talking again cause you are (her daughter)'s legal godmother
1. I never knew there was a such thing as a legal godmother... I thought that was a religious thing and I definitely missed the ceremony because I couldn't come home from college that weekend...
2. AGAIN with the refusal to accept responsibility! I mean, just say "I miss you, you're awesome, you were the best friend I could ever have... I shouldn't have lied to you, I suck. I deserve every bad thing you said to me." Of course not... Of course she had to put off her desire to speak to me onto the baby... Man-oh-man, does she have a long way to go...
Me: Yeah, I was willing to discuss it last time; guess our schedules didn't work out.
Her: No but me and Andre will be driving separate cars soon so I will be able to come by without him.
Me:Ok. I don't know who that is or why it matters, but just tell me in enough advance notice and I will add it to my schedule.
Definitely lyin my @$$ off... When her mother called me last week, or the week before, she told me that Andre is the ex bff's new boyfriend, and that he's a pretty decent guy. That's all fine and dandy, but seriously, IDGAF. That has nothing to do with me, and don't be throwing random names into conversation with me like we've even been friends for the last 3 months... Because we HAVEN'T.
Her: Ok.
Anyway, we'll see how that works out... I may choose to accept her apology and resume speaking to her IF AND ONLY IF (there's that LSAT language for ya) she decides to man up and tell the freaking truth about EVERYTHING. That's all I ask...
I said SPEAK to her... Idk if I want to be her "friend" again... The bitch part of me isn't too keen on letting people back in after they've pretty much proven that they shouldn't be allowed. I do miss my beautiful godbaby though.
Maybe I could keep her at an arm's length? But seriously, I've even changed a lot in the past 3 months... Who I AM is becoming more and more clear, and I'm learning to make the BEST self-benefitting decisions... After a few conversations, she may realize that she doesn't even want to be my friend anymore.
Like her mother said, people grow apart sometimes... I have my life headed in a specific direction and quite a few aspects of the personality I remember her having (and I say it this way, because it would be bastardly of me to assume that I've changed/grown in the past 3 months but she hasn't...though I seriously doubt she has...) completely contradict with the values of the people that I want in my life... those who are also just as dedicated, just as motivated, just as positive, and who I can in no way forsee beeing a hindrance to anything that I want to do...
So idk, man. This may be a chance to practice that good forgiveness that God wants us to use... She needs to apologize and admit her faults first...
Posts
There is nothing wrong with accepting a person's honest apology. In order to grow, we have to be able to accept people's mistakes. There is a problem with allowing people to re-enter your life with the same BS that came b4 a falling out. You can forgive and forget the pain she has brought into your life and keep it moving. Like you said "an ARM'S length" is sometimes how it has to be until people are proven reliable again.
ReplyDeleteHonestly, if you are a friend of mine you need to be reliable and honest. We all have our flaws and your close friends already KNOW them. There is no need to not admit the truth and move on.