Seems to Hate Us...

This song is gospel to me right now... Some girl animated it in a really cute way on YouTube, but that video was removed :-( So I'm replacing it with this 1.



The line that gets me is: "Why does it seem like those who give in; they only end up losing a friend?" Even in situations where it wasn't established that 2 people were "in love" per se, you still can love a friend because you care about them and stuff, and then like them a lot, either romantically or just in friendships... So I'm scared of liking people because I don't wanna lose anymore friends. If I just don't care much about any1 I should be straight, right... Maybe not.

On a related note... I was lost in my thoughts on the train this morning, (the handsome dude with locs that I have a secret crush on...lol...wasn't on there this morning.) I was thinking about relationships. My girlfriend and I went to my friend's launch party of his Thursday night networking socials at this relatively new nightclub. My friend who's social it was is very handsome. He also has a way with words. I'm sure that's the reason half the woman began coming to his weekly Tuesday events, which I've been to a couple of times.
Anyway, he was working the room, meeting and greeting people, because that's his life purpose. He believes in positive connections and relationships, helping eachother succeed in life. That's what his company is all about.
At one point, my girlfriend and I were sitting on a couch drinking and my male friend was talking to this woman across from us. My girlfriend commented that she would be upset with him for doing that when I was over here. I hate that type of stuff. #1, he's just my FRIEND. Neither of us even thinks of pursuing a relationship with the other (well, I HOPE he ain't thinking that way about me) and he can talk 2 whoever the hell he wants 2. #2, Even if he wasn't just my friend, (like my bf, or my more-than-friend-type-friend-and-we-both-have-feelings-for-eachother) he can still talk 2 whoever the hell he wants
2. I hate controlling relationships. I would never subject someone to one. I do cherish attention especially from someone I care about, but I am 23 years old and I work full-time. I don't need no man to be in my face all hours of the day, callin me all damn day. Don't get me wrong. I do like to spend time and talk to the guys I like, but life is busy! As long as a great level of communication is held, I think people need their damn SPACE. I would just resent someone who didn't want me to go out with my friends, and just be me! The problem with girls my age is they get in relationships and play married. They think this person has to become their whole life... NO, he's just a portion of your life, a portion that's only as big as YOU allow it to get. That's why people end up all lonely and heartbroken. That's why I did, shoot. Never again will I enthrall myself in someone to the point that I completely neglect my desires, my feelings, MYSELF! F that!

I also was train thinking about bs. Like the bs that guys say when you're spending time with them. Like why do they say it? Like if you don't mean ish, don't say it. Please. I hate liars. If I like U enough to be doing whatever with you, I'm sure I'd still continue doing it based on my affinity toward you which is not based on the bs you say to me. In fact, the bs makes me confused, and I probably won't want to have anything to do with you, ESPECIALLY when the bs you say to me when I'm with you COMPLETELY contradicts with the way you act when I'm not with you. You can't be hot and cold with me. It's possible to be hot all the time, even when I'm not around. Like dont say some shyt to me that seems like you have long-term goals with me, and then when we leave eachother's presence, you CLEARLY ain't got shyt to say to me! (Shown by the lack of attempts at communication or the refusal to even respond when I make a communication attempt.) See... just shut the f up... I probably wouldn't be making a communicaton attempt if you didn't give me a reason to believe that that's something you'd like. U think u're telling me something I wanna hear but you're really just ruining a good moment by telling me bs... Especially if our communication is already f-ed up to the point that it's futile to ask you what the f u said watever for and why you said it, because your @$$ will act like I'm either asking a dumb question, or will refuse to answer for whatever reason.

K. Enuff of my Friday morning train ride ranting.

I re-met a nice guy last night (met him at an earlier event my male friend promoted) and we had a really good conversation about independence in relationships. I also asked him what "love" means to him, since that's something I'm confused about. I don't understand how a guy can say "I love you" and treat you like shyt. Been tryna figure that out for about 4-6 years. His answer was interesting. He seems like cool peeps. AND when I expressed my love of food, he suggested that we go out to eat sometimes. Yay! Food is awesome. AND he's a hairdresser that works in a shop downtown, and offered me discounted services... Just like my aforementioned male friend said, it's all about utilizing your connections! ;-)

This economy sucks. My job's not doing the spa thing for Christmas anymore... I never went to a spa. I was looking forward to it. Instead, we're going out to lunch @ a nice restaurant, doing a grab bag/gift stealing thing (which should be fun) and then the founding partners are giving us each $150. Still very very nice. I appreciate it all... Guess It'll make sense to have the spa party I was planning for my friends for New Years eve after all! Maybe not. I'm budgeting to get a car by Feb, hopefully...